The Lesbian and Gay Elderly Community

I thought I would add another topic to the board. In chapter 14 there was a very brief section about elderly persons and couples that are gay or lesbians. As we have talked about in class there are the same struggles for elderly couples as younger couples in the rights they posses when it comes to their partner. In a society that has a federal government that does not recognize same sex couples in terms of any legal rights, the struggles for the elderly become even greater. Just imagine living with your partner for 20+ years and they become sick, but you have no say on what happens to him or her. Or your partner dies and you are a gay couple the money and property could be taken without you having any rights to it. These are realities of gay and lesbian couples alike, but especially real for the elderly where sickness and death are a normal part of later years. Another interesting point that was made in this section, was there are retirement homes per se that are dedicated to those gay and lesbian singles, widows, and couples. In theory this may sound like a good idea, however, as the author said this kind of living situation may discriminate the elderly group by sanctioning them into only one area instead of allowing them to live among others in the community without having the label and stigma of living in an all gay community living complex. Lastly, I would like to point out that as many of us we don't like to think of the elderly having sex, or do many people even think that they do have sex. A friend of mine made the comment just the other day, "Are there old gay people?" She was so serious about the question that the ignorance of the question just made me laugh. As if gay and lesbians stop being gay after a certain age, if they don't have sex "anymore" they are gay either. Or maybe her thinking was more along the lines of since homosexuality has become more acceptable in our society in the last decade for sure, maybe there are only younger gay couples, I mean the only gay or lesbian people you see in the media are good looking young people. I just thought it so interesting that even in our ever more accepting generation there are still stereotypes and assumptions especially about gay elderly couples. Anyone have any thoughts about the topic or things that you have heard please share.

Financial and Legal rights of Step Parents and Parents

I know that this is the topic of the debate that we will be having on friday but without being placed on a side to argue by Raj, what are your thoughts? When children are involved and people remarry who should be considered the parents legally. If a biological parent is not present in a childs life other than say child support, who is qualified to make legal decisions regarding health care or school? I beilieve that the best thing for the child would be to have the parent figure that is around to make the basic daily decisions in their life make the major decisions for them. Should the laws be changed so that a step parent is automatically considered a legal guardian? Do you think that this would cause more problems than its worth via family arguments between biological parents and step parents? Should the laws consider the reason for divorce and the biological and step parents background and make the decision for the families with step parents regarding legal rights to the child? One last question is, do you think that if a step parent has all the legal rights of a biological parent, would it help the step parent feel closer to the child as a parent?

Gay Marriage Legal in Iowa

In Iowa same-sex couples began holding weddings on Monday with several same-sex couples exchanging vows on the steps of the Polk County Administrative building. Iowa is the third state to allow gay marriage, joining Massachusetts and Connecticut. There is also a Vermont law allowing gay marriage and that will take effect in September. Couples in Iowa on Monday were allowed to wed after getting a judge to waive the state's three-day waiting period. Polk County had received 82 marriage applications on Monday from same-sex couples. Many of the couples came from other states to marry.
With a large majority of Iowans opposing gay marriage this really surprised me that a law like this passed. Is our society starting to turn the other cheek and just say "whatever" to gay marriage? I think this is a huge breakthrough in the way heterosexuals treat the gay community. Especially in the Midwest.
Do you think that Minnesota will someday allow gay marriage? Are we heading in a new direction towards treating homosexuals with the same rights and respect as heterosexuals?

Divorce in Your Own Family

We have all been reading a chapter on ending marriage so I figured I would get a discussion going about divorce. The chapter gives many social, economical, and personal reasons and statistics about why and who gets divorced. I am torn on the topic, on one hand I do not believe that divorce should be so acceptable in our society, and easy to obtain without just cause. But on the complete other hand I believe in the right to choose to get out of a unhappy marriage no matter what the reasoning may be. I only contradict myself in the subject of divorce. I do not want to get divorced, when or if I get married. However, if I find myself in an abusive or unhappy marriage I want the ability to legally leave. My own parents got divorced when I was young. They both remarried divorced people with children. And they both got divorced to my step-parents again. I have seen first hand what divorce does to a family, my own family has been split so many times there are few relationships that survived. I just want to hear your opinion and maybe share your stories about divorce. What do you think the cause of divorce? Is is OK to live in a society so eager to get a divorce or should we go back to more "traditional" ways of thinking about marriage? Just some ideas to start with....

Elderly Abuse

For Albert Lea nursing home, an ordeal of shame, angst
It's been a rocky seven months at the facility in Albert Lea, where reports of abuse have led to soul-searching and new procedures.
By WARREN WOLFE, Star Tribune
Last update: December 11, 2008 - 2:31 PM

Nursing director Renae Peterson returned from a police interview, stepped into her boss' office at the Good Samaritan nursing home and "collapsed, sobbing like a 2-year-old.''
On that day in May, Good Samaritan administrator Mark Anderson knew "it wasn't just a wild story'' -- an incredible tale told by an aide as she was being fired for swearing in front of residents.
Now he had reason to believe what the aide alleged: that a group of women ages 17 and 18 had for months taunted residents who had dementia, abused them physically and sexually, made them scream during the night shift -- then laughed.
"I had thought: This has to be a lie or at least a huge exaggeration. This just couldn't be," Anderson recalled in an interview Thursday.
The police interviews in May were the start of a seven-month ordeal of shame, soul-searching and self-examination at the Albert Lea facility.
They already have triggered changes in the way aides are assigned and supervised at Good Samaritan -- part of the nonprofit Good Samaritan chain based in Sioux Falls, S.D. -- and at others across the state.
They have also started a debate among regulators, industry professionals and scholars about whether Minnesota needs stronger regulation of nursing home aides. More than half the states, for example, already set a minimum age of 18 for certified nursing assistants; Minnesota's minimum is 16. Some are asking whether Minnesota should increase the required training of such aides above the 75-hour federal minimum -- or take other steps to ensure frail, elderly patients are treated with dignity.
There's no question that some sort of abuse occurred. The only question is whether it reached the level of a crime.
The angst at "Good Sam" didn't end Monday, when the Freeborn County attorney filed criminal charges against two aides, Brianna Broitzman, now 19, and Ashton Larson, 18, and charged four others as juveniles.


1. What do you think possessed the abusers to do this since abuse is usually possessed by power?
2. How do you think abuse in Nursing Homes or Assisted livings can be further prevented?
3. If you were in the Nursing Director's position, what would you do?

"Roe v. Wade for Men"

I found this subject very interesting in chapter 9; there is a paragraph in the single fathers heading talking about a precedent-setting case called Roe v. Wade for men. Basically a man from Michigan is suing to establish his right to choose to become a father, saying he was tricked into fatherhood by his girlfriend. This is the first case of it's kind to test the constitutional right to choose not to be a father under the U.S constitution equal protection clause. The courts still rule on the child's best interest receiving financial support overrides the father's interests. They argue that if a man does not to be a father there are methods to take other than expecting the woman to take responsibility, like using a condom for example! What are your thoughts, does a man have the right to choose whether or not to become a father?

Prenuptial Agreements

A prenuptial agreement is a signed and notarized agreement made by a couple before marriage that concerns various financial issues such as the control and possession of property and other assets taken into the marriage and later obtained during the marriage either individually or jointly, as well as the couple’s future earnings, and how such property as assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death.

If you're trying to decide whether or not to make a prenuptial agreement, you'll need to understand what this type of contract can, and cannot do for you.

Some disadvantages if you don’t make a prenuptial agreement, your state’s laws determine who owns the property that you acquire during your marriage, as well as what happens to that property at divorce or death. State law may even have a say in what happens to some of the property you owned before you were married. Some more disadvantages are there is never the perfect time and some state laws may protect you without a prenup. Some things prenups can’t deal with are custody of the children, visitation to the children, and child support.

Not only do the rich need prenups. Some reasons why you may get a prenup is because past separate property to children from prior marriages, clarifying financial rights, avoiding arguments in case of a divorce, and getting protection from debts. 5- 15 percent of people enter into a prenuptial agreement.


1. Would you ever consider a prenuptial agreement if you were wealthy or poor (in debt)?
2. Would you ask your spouse to sign the prenuptial agreement?
3. Do you feel prenuptial agreements are very important with our society?

Sex Sells

Figured I would make an attempt to keep the blog alive...-
One of the main things that I hear in my day to day life as far as complaints from women (and some men), is how people (women especially), are being portrayed as nothing more then sex objects in a variety of media - tv,books,radio ect... An argument against this blatant labeling would be that it helps to persuade young mens minds to look at women as toys, useless for nothing but sex. And in doing so ignoring the important aspects, i.e. personality ect... While this argument holds some merit to be sure, to me it really just does not make a whole ton of sense when one looks at the big picture.
Men (and to some extent women) are, by nature, programmed to look at eachother as sex objects first and foremost. In doing so they right away can differentiate between healthy potential mates and not-so healthy potential mates. When a young fertile man sees a women for the first time, I hate to break it to you ladies but the first thing we think is not "Oh wow....I bet she has a great personality". All we have to go on is basic primal attractiveness linked to a variety of key attributes(with some outlyers for all you fetish people out there). Mainly hip-waist ratio, bust size, and other factors that promote in our minds the feeling that that women can handle the stress of childbirth and motherhood. Back to how this relates to the media. Yes I admit the media may play a role in REINFORCING these natural instincts, but mainly in my opinion the males of different species all across the globe are SUPPOSED to look at women as sex objects first and foremost, to not do so would in all likelihood lead to the sure downfall of a species. We are hardwired to do so, because when someone is fighting to live off the land against other predators/animals they don't have time to "get to know" potential mates, its a knee jerk YES or NO response to whether they're a viable option. (obviously some exceptions can apply in the present state of things i.e. not getting eaten by saber-tooth tigers and what not)
So i guess in my opinion its not wrong at all for the media to be portraying perfect bodies/sex left and right to us, as when you really ask yourself what you want to see, everyone would rank this as high up because it applies to everyone. Everyone has a sex drive, everyone has the desire to have sex, so it would be bad marketing not to abuse this commonality between all human beings.
While Im not going to say much about the whole unrealistic expectations dilemma that is placed upon people I will mention a couple thoughts on the matter. People who I (and the majority of people i know) consider attractive are for lack of a better word HEALTHY (nobody that I know of actually thinks stick-thin models are attractive). These models or athletes or actors that we fret about are so adored because they are healthy. Majority of them are in extremely good shape, eat extremely well, and do not partake in a lot of extremely detrimental habits that a lot of us "normal people" partake in. Is this such a bad thing to be forcing into peoples subconscious? That they should strive to be healthy? To me the answer is simple, of course not. We SHOULD all strive to have a 6 pack, a low amount of body fat, and get all the nutrients we need. Issues arrive when people do not have the knowledge that would lead to a natural way of getting into shape i.e. eating disorders and so on.
Yea...so anyways i guess some questions people can answer if they feel so inclined:
1.Should (in your opinion) companies be allowed to use blatantly sexual adds to garner attention and sell products?
2.What are the pros/cons to us being exposed to sex day in day out in the media?
3.What are some ways to solve this body image crisis issue that we seem to be dealing with especially in America?
4.Is the media partially to blame for lots of the sexually related criminal acts that are committed every year?

Death in a marriage and family

Figured I'd switch gears a little bit and address some things that can affect a marriage and a family when there is a death. Back 'in the day' when there was a death it changed the dynamic of a family; for example if the father were to die the oldest son would then have to step up and fill the shoes of his father. He would have to grow up instantly and become a provider for the family.

Children grow up with out a mother/father miss out on that relationship with the other half of the person who helped create them. They can lead lives trying to fill this void, which can lead to substance abuse, and relationship problems in their lives.

Recently I have seen a death demolish an entire family. A daughter comitted suicide and left behind several people trying to pick up the pieces of their lives. Suicide adds another box of issues in of its self when it comes to a death in the family. People stew about why, how they could have prevented it, blame themselves, etc. The marriage can suffer when one mate feels the other isnt grieving as much or as outwardly as the other and resentment can stew and lead to them falling away from eachother. The dynamic of the family is shifted and sibblings try to cope with their sister/brother being gone forever.

Having to deal with something as traumatic as a death in your family can affect your daily life, each person grieves differently and moves on at a different pace. If the family does not deal with it in a healthy manner they will be less likely to heal and live 'normal lives'.

Often people turn to substances to self medicate for the pain they feel from their loss, which can also tear a family apart if its not confronted and dealt with. As well as emotional abuse and substance abuse, physical abuse can occur. A friend told me once she was in a car accident with her sister, and she survived. From that day on her Dad resented and hated her for being the surviving child; for whatever reason. This obviously caused a great strain on the whole family dynamic.

Endless possibilites, how does this make you feel?

The Hidden Casualties of War.

This was a recent report last week on CBS Evening News. It was about domestic abuse in military families.

When Spc. Lenny McIntire returned to Fort Lewis, Wash., his wife says he was a changed man.

After his second tour of duty in Iraq with the Army Rangers, she says he wasn't sleeping and he was filled with anger - especially when his infant daughter would cry.

"Any noise that she made just bothered him," Patton said. "He said it reminded him too much of Iraq and the kids that he shot and the screaming - he couldn't take it, being around it."

That anger turned to violence. He pleaded guilty to child abuse after beating three-month old Bella.

Then, a few months later in a drunken rage, threatening her with a gun, he attacked and raped his wife.

"I probably laid there for about an hour and just cried," she said. "I had given up. I didn't care if he came in and killed me, I mean, I was broken."

McIntire was jailed, but for only one night, given extra duty and ordered to sleep in the barracks.

Patton sought help from the chaplain, the Ranger Battalion as well as McIntire's commanding officers - but found no answers.

Couric asked her: "What do you think is the major flaw in the way the U.S. military - at least in your experience - deals with domestic violence?"

Patton: "When a soldier beats his wife, the wife falls through the crack," she said. "They make it very impossible to get through the system and get anything done."

It wasn't until Lenny McIntire threatened his fellow soldiers and went AWOL that the Army decided to press charges. Three weeks ago, he was sentenced to seven years in a military prison.

CBS News spoke to several military family advocates who say the system is broken, under-funded and under-staffed.

One former advocate did not want to be identified for fear of retribution.

"I think the Pentagon needs to step in and start a better training program for their commanders," the former advocate said.

Lynn McCollum is the Army director of Family Affairs.

Couric asked her: "According to conversations with a number of victims' advocates, the Army usually rallies around the soldiers and leaves the victim to fend for herself. And then when she finally does get help, the complaint is the system is entirely stacked against her."

"It's disturbing to hear those kinds of comments. Over the last couple of years, we've really put into place and increased the number of victim advocates," McCollum said. "One of our biggest challenges, because we're a large bureaucracy, is getting information out."

It's not only the victims that aren't getting help, it's also the soldiers. CBS News has learned that in case after case, soldiers returning from Iraq or Afghanistan have raised red flags regarding their mental health problems. But they're often ignored - with devastating consequences.

In a post-deployment health assessment obtained by CBS News, one soldier clearly indicates concerns "for potential conflict with his spouse or family members" and that he might "hurt or lose control with someone."

But nothing was done.

A year later, he killed his wife.

"How can this happen? He put it right there on the questionnaire, and nobody did anything about it. How can that happen if you have all these systems and services in place?" Couric asked.

McCollum didn't answer immediately, instead, getting up to confer with colleagues for an answer.

After discussing the incident with her colleagues, McCollum returned to answer the question.

"Obviously, I think in this situation, a mistake probably was made," McCollum said.

Then there is the case of Sgt. James Pitts.

Thursday, in an exclusive interview he tells CBS News how the military failed to help him - or protect his army wife.

As he told Couric: "I've lost everything."

For the complete video and story you can also view it here.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/28/eveningnews/main4761199.shtml?source=related_story

Women serving in combat roles?

A bit of a scattered monologue- just writing while i think-My first question related to this topic is- Why... you want to be in a combat role in the first place? Mind you i dont mind the idea of women in combat situations- i would have much preferred it if a woman was drafted in place of my uncle(who i guess was a pretty amazing guy) in the Vietnam war. I might have actually gotten a chance to meet him apart from just hearing the stories of mischief him and my dad would get into when they were kids. The only reason this topic frustrates me is that people(well women in particular) seem to gravitate to the INCORRECT assumption that an AVERAGE women can compare to an AVERAGE man when it comes to anything extremely physically demanding- i.e. they might be able to do it- even do it well- but they will not be able to be as efficient as a man in the same situation if they have both had the same training, knowledge, fitness ect...This is not my opinion.... this is not a theory.... its a biological fact that an AVERAGE man has a higher muscle to fat ratio then an AVERAGE women- this also applies to both extremely fit men and women and non-fit men and women. Why does basic training (unless something has changed in the last month or so) have different personal fitness tests for women and men if they are both capable of the same level of fitness....? For an example... say the level of fitness squat lift for a man is idk 250 lbs.... and for a women its 200 lbs.... if i weigh 185 lbs and am wearing a backpack that weighs 50-65 more lbs would i want there to be a women right next to me that has to try to carry me to safety when i just got kneecapped or a man? Put yourself in that situation and the answer is obvious. I'm not saying a situation like this occurs often- all im saying is that as it is now having all men units reduce the POSSIBILITY of an "accident" that can happen from direct result of someone not measuring up fitness/strength wise in a combat situation. This of course applies to all physically demanding jobs firefighters, policemen, emts, ect... If i was a 400 lb guy in a car accident, I would prefer it if 2 men stepped out of the ambulance to try to lift me onto a stretcher compared to two women. I urge you to remember i am not AGAINST women serving in combat or any of the other jobs i mentioned, it just seems downright irresponsible to allow them too.... unless they take steriods. Ummm... yea i think im probably deep enough now.... Thoughts, opinions, apethetic murmurs, death-threats all accepted.

The Effects of War on Marriages and Family

Undoubtedly war adds stress to family life and marriage; it can even cause great conflict for that matter. But where is the line drawn, when families are falling apart after a soldier returns to civilian life, is it a weak marriage, or is it the institution of the military that can be to blame? Did my parents divorce, after my step-dad got back from Iraq, simply because they were not a strong couple after even ten years? Or is society putting the needs of military families and soldiers themselves on the back burner to fend for themselves and ultimately figure out how to survive on their own with issues never experienced before. Consequently divorce is high and suicide rates are unbelievably through the roof and too close to home. So what is the answer; should there be more government support and programs to help those coming back from the battle field, or do we truly live in a society that only cares about number one, me myself and I. If this is true then in the mean time military families will figure out how to deal, right?